Nov
24th

So I’ve been thinking… About cocks?!!?


[Brea from Nubiles] - Warning: This Picture does not relate to this blog entry. It’s just hot.

Alright so I see a lot of porn and the one thing that’s been bothering me is how I can spend 20 straight hours hunting down free porn videos and pics for S3X.com and S3XTube.com and never see the same chick twice. Or the same dude twice for that matter. I realize this is a good thing but what has really bothered me for some time is the cocks. The big giant porno cocks.

I probably see 200 cocks in a day sometimes whilst thumbing through ePorns and they’re all fucking HUGE. Where do these dudes get these giant cocks? I sometimes look down at my average penis in disappointment and wonder how it’s possible for so many of these douche bags to have such enormous tools. I mean I could understand 1 in every 5 million dudes having a big huge dick but there are literally thousands of big dicked dudes out there.

Well you’ll be happy to know your old pal (me) did some research and got the answer. See, not all of these dudes are born with big dicks at all, and no they’re not taking some goofy herbal conCOCKtion (hah! see what I did there!?) or using a pump. They’re using THIS. I guess the results are completely permanent, and dudes are gaining INCHES of dong both in length and girth. CHECK IT OUT!

So I got right on it and ordered up a kit. I’m gonna slap this fucker on and next time I go to FLING to score some pussy, I’m going to drill in there with my new giant cock. Do you know how much things are going to change for me when I can hookup with a chick and know that I’ve got the biggest cock she’s
ever had? Well I’ll tell you how much. A LOT.

I feel like an idiot, like there’s this huge cockspiracy the whole world has been plotting against me all these years. Well watch the fuck out you guys with your giant cocks cuz I’m gonna have a big dong of my own soon and you know what? I’m telling all my Internet friends about it on my blog too, and they’re gonna have giant cocks and you’re all going to be just regular dudes now because we’re leveling out the playing field.

Oh, and ladies… Prepare your vaginas.

Nov
19th

An open letter to Jamie and Sabrina

Filed under Lesbian | Leave a Comment

Jamie and Sabrina

If you’re a S3XTube.com regular, you’ve probably noticed my latest obsession. Jamie and Sabrina. These two chicks are so fucking hot that I can’t figure out why there isn’t a whole section of the Internet devoted entirely to them.

Currently They can only be found HERE which is fine for now but I really think the folks over at Lesbian Teen Hunter should consider commissioning these two full time. If you haven’t seen the free video clips of these two teen lesbians yet, check them out rockin’ the double sided dildo.

Not only are these babes insanely hot, but they are actually really enjoying what they’re doing here which is really key to the success of my jacking off.

So here’s an open letter to my new favorite teen lesbians.

Dear Jamie and Sabrina,

Hi Ladies, S3XMaster here. I’m not so much a master of sex as I am the (web)master at S3x(.com). In fact thanks to you I think I’ve recently developed a premature ejaculation problem - thus making the name “S3XMaster” somewhat misleading. Anyway…

As you can imagine I have a pretty tough job. My staff and I spend countless hours scrubbing the innernets for the best porn around so we can distribute it to all of the world in one convenient location called S3x.com. Well, you have caught my fancy. It’s hard to believe I have a fancy, but I do and you two have a firm grip on it.

Look ladies, I wasn’t born yesterday. I know that what you’re doing on my computer screen is scripted but you really had me buying what you were selling. I believed that there was nowhere you two would rather be than playing with each other’s titties and hairless lady-bits.

Let’s get down to brass tax. Though I can see quite a bit of you HERE, which I do appreciate, I need more. If you find yourselves jobless or bored please contact me at your earliest convenience. You always have a job waiting for you here with the S3X Network. By “always” I mean as long as you don’t get fat or very much older.

Yours in Porn,
The S3X.com Team

Don’t forget to visit S3X.com for constant free porn updates.